Saturday, June 25, 2005

Freedom to Fear

Questions that flying in my head tonight
‘Am I doing right?
Am I choosing the right path?
Does it going well?
How about if I failed?
How about if I don’t have enough time to handle all about it?
How about if I am wrong?
How about if I failed?
How about if I failed?’

I messaged my best friend in the late night because I can not sleep and I am completely fear with what might future bring me, I only have one month to arrange my near future. I am afraid that I will failed, I am afraid a lot. He replied me ; “ Hey, fear is good to make us become aware, but don’t let fear control your mind “ .

I know, say me to myself, and I replied him “ I am afraid to fear a lot..”
And he replied me again “ so, don’t let it be… enjoy you world, not everyone will get the life that you have now, don’t worry too much and just keep your dream alive “

I am still drawn into my fear and suddenly I start to write what should I do, what should I prepare , filling the schedule to my calendar in my cellular phone, and I am felling a bit better. At least, I am preparing it. At least, I know what I should do, even I am still not know that what I do now is right or wrong. After write everything that make me scare, I went sleep, ready to wake up with tons of positivism thinking that I should to create up for surviving my future.

Until now, I am still can not answer these questions, but thinking about steps that I will take to create a nice future and fulfilling my duty is effective way than just thinking what future might happens in next one month. Even tough, the nightmare always came to my dream and make me want to hide inside my blanket, close my eyes , hope my mom will wake me up with a cup of thee in her hands.

Bulan Mendota
Arent Krijststraat 59
saturday, 25 june 5:31

piece of paper for Personal Development class..


dika said...

belom sebulan bul.., baru 20 hari (but glad you back ^^)

bulan said...

ini buat tugas personal development sebetulnya..iseng aja ak taro d sini juga.. mayan kan ;)

valent said...

...e...arent krijtstraat tuh diamsterdam nda?